Different
by IceHole
Summary: An obsessive Onee-chan, a tsundere-ish clubmate, a lovable Senpai, a masochistic friend, a sadistic master and an... uh... Yuigahama...? Yeah... What more could you possibly ask for?
1. Chapter 1

**I know I shouldn't do this since I already have two stories hanging. But still... I just had to do it you knooow~ Anyways, This is my first try at a fic which doesn't involve blood and gore. That is why I do not expect good reviews but still... what kinda author doesn't want his story to be loved.  
** **This fic is actually inspired by a fanfiction named 'A Different Circumstance' by 'DarkerMS'. If you somehow don't know what I'm talking about then I suggest you check it out. Trust me, You're missing out. Well this isn't my forte but I'm still gonna give it a try.**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own Oregairu. I only own a damaged brain. I just insulted myself... Oh... and this is supposed to be OOC.**

* * *

Sleep… A blissful state that can be achieved by anyone in this world. It isn't limited to certain someone. You don't have to be talented nor do you have to be a prince in order to experience this bliss. It is equal to everyone and everybody.

 ***Squish***

I am sleeping. I am experiencing this bliss. Yet there's something else that is making it even more blissful.

 ***Squish***

Something soft, fluffy and squishy, that is so round that it makes something hard and stand it's ground.

"NnGhgh~"

Wait…

There is something seriously wrong going on outside this blissful state of mine.

"A-nGh… H-Hachi-kun~"

I slowly opened my eyes as the light that the bright room reflected enveloped me. The first thing that came to my sight was a purple strand of hair. No wait… It's black hair with purple edges. To be more precise, short black hair with purple ends.

Now the question appears… Why am I seeing this?

The round, soft, squishy feeling was still crept on to the palm of my right hand. While it is nice to have something like thi-

"WAAAHGH!" I shouted and jumped back three meters away from my bed as I figured out my previous situation.

Hearing my outburst, the owner of the jet black bobbed hair finally woke up. A very tired and cute yawn left her lips as she raised both of her arms in the air to get rid of the morning tiredness.

"What the hell are you doing here Haruno!?" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

Her mood soon perked up as her eyes fell on me.

"AH! Hachi-kun~ Wait… what are you doing over there?" She asked.

"What do you mean what I'm doing over here?! What the heck are YOU doing in my room?!"

"I came to sleep with you of course." She said while tilting her head sideways with a smile and making me rethink who the real idiot is in this place.

Her body was barely covered in a plain white shirt. The shirt being bigger than her, managed to fall of her shoulder but somehow her bountiful breasts made them stay where they are. The shirt seemed to be on a verrry dangerous situation right now. One more push and her soft pink ni- WOAH WOAH! This is wrong! This is so Wrong! Think straight Hachiman! Think straight!

And Wait a MINUTE! That is my F'in shirt!

"Don't _of course_ me you witch! And what on earth are you wearing!?"

"You shirt obviously. What else would I be wearing?" I don't know… Like what normal girl your age would wear MAYBE!?

"And they also have your smell on them. Which makes them… all the more… Irresistible…" She said while slowly sniffing the shirt.

I felt a vein pop up on my forehead.

"Give me back my damn shirt, woman! Take em off this instant!"

"H-Huh… You want me to take them off?"

"Hell Yes I DO!"

"O-Okay… If it's you then I don't mind. Hachi-kun, Watch me kay?" She said as she proceeded to unbutton the shirt. What the hell?!

"Oi Oi! DON'T TAKE EM OFF! I SAID DON'T TAKE EM OFF!" I quickly covered my eyes.

"Huh? But I thought you wanted them off of me."

"I DO want them off of you!"

"Oh… Then watch closely, okay?" She again proceeded to take the shirt off.

"I W-WANT EM OFF BUT GO T-TAKE EM OFF SOMEWHERE ELSE!" I shouted at her, only to be met with her sly smirk.

This DAMNED witch!

"OH! Tch… I guess this will have to end for today. Otherwise you're gonna be late for school, Hachi-kun." She said as she checked the wall clock in my room.

The nerve of this girl…

"YOU…" I said sternly

"H-Hai…?"

"Get out."

"Buuuuut Haaaachi-kuu-"

"Or no food from me for an entire month!"

"Haaai! I'll be in the living room then~" Seriously... The nerve of this girl…

* * *

I made my way towards the dining table where Haruno sat with a newspaper in her hand. Reading the paper thoroughly. Her face contained a serious expression but soon changed into a very childish one as her eyes found me coming towards her.

"Hachi-kun hurry up! Your Onee-san's hungry~"

"…" I didn't say anything but just handed her a plate.

"OOhh! Hachi-kun… as delicious as always!" She cheered like a child. I can't believe there's actually a sinister side inside this childlike entity.

"…I'm done and leaving for school." I said as I got up after finishing my meal.

"Kay~ Bye then."

…

…

"Heh!? Wait a minute Hachi-kun! Why are you leaving me behind!?" She quickly shoved the sandwich inside her mouth and grabbed me from behind.

"Because I'm getting late." Nonetheless, I ignored her clinginess and dragged her with me to the door.

"You'll make it if I drive you there!" She kept her clutch on my waist tight.

"It's really getting late now. let me go already."

"Let you go? I can't just let you go, Hachi-kun." She said as she dug her face into my blazer.

...

"Hoh… You… wanna go… To heaven?" I asked while showing my creepy smile

"O-Okay that wasn't really funny…"

* * *

Hikigaya Haruno. Unfortunately my sister and the eldest daughter plus heir to the Hikigaya household. She's in college now, yet the amount of time she spends with me always baffles me.

In the end, I ended up getting a lift from her. It's my first day of second year and right off the bat, a very beautiful woman drops me off to school. It's as she wants all the boys in my school to hate me. Well who cares anyways…

"Hachi-kun, isn't this great? I should drop you off to school everyday from now on."

"…" There's no fucking way I'm letting that happen. It's better to just stay silent.

"HAAAACHI-KUUUN~"

Stretching the syllables doesn't make it cute.

"HAAAAAAACHI-Kun~"

Still not cute…

"HAAACHI-kuuuun~!"

Okay… maybe just a little bit cute…

"Teehee~" Hoh? What the Heck was that?! That was adorable!

I rested my left elbow on the opened window and let my chin rest on top of my hand. I glanced at the scenery outside the car. The cold yet somewhat warm wind hit me as we kept moving forward. Haruno drove without a care in the world as she takes a sip of the drink every few seconds.

A shiny silvery bicycle appeared in front of us. It was going in the same direction as us. It became clearer as we got close to the bicycle due to our car being faster than the bicycle.

I spotted a cute imouto type girl with short hair, clinging to the driver of the bicycle. The little girl seemed to have short black hair and was wearing a school uniform that I didn't recognize. As we got closer, the driver became visible.

It was as well, a girl but with long shiny raven hair tied to her side. Both of us were now in the same lane as our car was soon about to overtake the bicycle.

The long raven haired driver moved her head over to me as her cold blue eyes under the red framed glasses met my dark grey eyes. She was also wearing a Sobu high uniform. I was unable to take note of her further, due to all of it happening in less than a second.

I turned my gaze to the side-view mirror and was met with the bicycle girl yet again, who was slowly becoming smaller with each passing moment. Her thighs going up and down while paddling ahead.

Just a bit more…

Just a little bit more…

Aaaand…

Ah… White… Sorta unexpected, I guess…

I couldn't help but smirk as I turned my head to the front. I then looked at Haruno but a finger made it's way to my cheek. Haruno's eyes became less bright. Wayy less bright.

"Unfaithful lovers must be punished." She said

"We are not lovers! We are brothers and sisters for goodness sake!"

"Tch…" She clicked her tongue at me.

"Don't Tch me! And look at the road dammit! I've already had an accident last year!"

* * *

 **Incest is wincest! Who's with me?! ...No one...? Okay... I'm joking BTW. I'm no incest fanatic.**

 **I would have stretched it a bit more but didn't do so. Since it's just a prologue, I guess leaving it this size is the best. Anyways... Hope you liked it. And... this getting updated or not depends on time and of course... Your opinions. Well I just really wanted to get the idea out.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Ke up!_

 _Wake up Hachi-Kun!_

 _If you don't wake up then I'll kiss you~_

I felt a warm sensation spreading on my right cheek. I slowly opened my eyes. The bright light coming from the front hit me like a bulldozer. The warm and soft sensation on my cheek was still present at the moment. I then felt two thin fingers touching my chin area. But a second later, the feeling was gone as the owner of the fingers retraced them to herself.

The soft, warm object that were pressed against my cheek was now gone as well. I lazily moved my head towards the driver of the car that I'm currently riding. My barely opened eyes inquired the owner of the warm, soft object. A devilish look covered her face.

D-Did she? W-Wha…

"Oh! You finally woke up. I thought just a kiss on the cheek wouldn't be enough and I would have to give you mouth to mouth… It would have been so embarrassing you know~" Haruno said with both of her hands gripping both of her reddened cheeks. It is relieving to hear that she at least knows the word embarrassment.

"…"

"A-re…? I guess you still haven't woken up properly. There's no other way around it, huh…" She said as she leaned forward with puckered lips.

"…"

"A-re? A-re?! Hachi-kun you're not gonna say anything!?" She exclaimed midway as I simply stared at her dumbfounded.

"…" The nerve of this woman.

"Heeh! Hachi-kun!? You're scaring me now! Oh No! I broke Hachi-kun! Should I call 110?!"

"…"

"Don't worry Hachi-kun! I'll save you! I'll give you Mouth-To-Penis!"

Heh?! How did it go from mouth to penis?!

"Stop it. I'm fine. I was just tired of your childish behavior." I said with a stern voice.

"Heh?! But I was so worried about you, you know~!" She said with a pout… c-cute…

"Well, whatever. I'm getting late. See you later." I said as I opened the car door to get thyself outta this mess.

I looked at the women beside me one last time to find her leaning with puckered lips yet again.

"What?" I asked

"Aren't you forgetting something Hachi-kun~ Like a… Good… Bye… Kiss~"

 ***SHUT*** I shut the car door as I made my way towards my class.

"EHHH?! Hachi-kuuuun!" I heard the witch whining from behind.

Seriously… This troublesome woman…

* * *

I stepped into the new class room with the hopes of new boring class mates. I'm good with any class as long as they leave me alone and also no Hayama please. Tha-Gahh?! Hayama!? Again?! And just as I thought this day couldn't get any more worse.

"We're in the same class again, Hacchan. Let's get along." The blonde prince of Sobu said while flashing all of his teeth.

"…"

"We're in the same class again, Hacchan. Let's get along."

"…I'm not saying hello even if you repeat yourself."

"E-Ehehehe… Cold as ever I see." Hayama said while scratching his back and throwing a thousand watt smile.

"Don't laugh. It's disgusting." I said

"A-Ah… Hehe. I'll see you later then, Hacchan!" He said one last time as he walked away towards his own clique.

"Eh?! Hakuchi-kun! We're in the same class again!" A orange haired guy from Hayama's clique said while waving his hand at me.

Huh?! Hakuchi?! Who the fuck is that!?

"And you know! Then the girls skirt went up like totally automatically! It wasn't even windy that day! It was totally a ghost I tell you! A ghost!" I heard the same guy say to the other members of the clique.

Hoooh?! Hehe… Time for revenge I guess.

I walked towards Hayama's clique with a smug grin plastered on my face. I stepped in front of the orange haired guy and grabbed his jaw with my right hand.

"H-Hacchan… D-Don't." Hayama's posture became tensed.

"Don't worry dumbass. If I wanted to beat him up then he would have been in the hospital by now." I said to Hayama.

"Eh… Hakuchi-kun?"

"YOU!" I shouted, still gripping his jaw.

"Y-YES…?"

"You are the one he has chosen?!" I released my grip on his jaw and made a dramatic pose.

"C-Come again?"

"To think the Master-Baiter has chosen you as his successor!" I kept going on and on.

"H-Hacchan what are you talking about?"

"What are YOU talking about?! Do you not see the potential in this man's eyes?! Do you not believe me?! Do you not believe the Cold Prince of Sobu himself?!" I shouted at Hayama.

"H-Huh? Why are you getting angry at me, Hacchan?"

"Hakuchi-Sama! I apologize for Hayato-kun! Please tell me more!" Looks like I got the idiots attention.

"You! Boy! You have the power of the mighty Master-Baiter! The god of Ejaculation! The POWER to reveal Panties!"

"Eh?"

"WOAAH! R-Really?! I always knew I was Unique! Hakuchi-sama! I swear something like this totally happened to me recently!"

"I knew as well. I knew from the moment I saw you." I said while stretching my lips into a grin.

"B-But... You're not lying to me... right? Haku-"

"You Embecile! How dare you accuse me of that!? It was wrong to talk to you after all!" I said

"N-No! No... I believer you. You definitely have any reason to lie... hehe... But then... how do I activate my powers?!"

"Umm… Guys… The teache-" Hayama tried to say something but I cut him off.

"In order to activate this power. You must shout the word 'Panties' in front of a woman." I said as the orange haired guy soon became lost in thought.

"From now on I will be your new Homeroom teacher." A feminine voice made it's way to my ears from the very front.

Oh the new teacher… A-re… where the hell is the orange guy going?

The orange haired guy stepped in front of the Sensei's desk and faced our new teacher. Shit… Is he gonna complain about me or something?

"You need something?" Sensei asked orange boy.

"PAAAAAAANTIEEEEES!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Pftt… Pfft… BWaHahahaha!" The whole class started laughing as the orange was kicked out of the class.

"That was really mean of you, Hacchan…" Hayama said, still flashing a grin.

"Shut up… Masochistic Pig. It was his fault for calling me names. You should be glad that I didn't make a kebab out if him." I said as I made my way towards my desk before we get scolded.

* * *

I made my way outside the school to find Hayama leaning his back on the wall, right outside the school. Just what the hell is the matter with this guy?

Okaay… just gotta avoid him. Avoid Hachiman, Avoid!

"Hacchan There you are! Let's go home together!" Shit…

"Hayama… How many times has it been now?" I asked him with a stern voice.

"U-Uh… What are you talking about Hacchan?" He said with his grand smile.

"If you throw me that fake smile of yours at me once again, I will break all of your teeth."

I said as I decided to walk away.

"It… It's not fake." I heard him say from behind me.

"Huh?"

"I just… want to help you Hacchan." He said as he turned his back to me.

"Help me… Help me you say?! You can't even help your own self you damn masochistic pig." I said

"I don't need your help. So go home." I said to him one last time as I made my way to my apartment. What is with this dude. Everytime I insult him, he just gets back up again to get more dose. He must really be an M.

* * *

I have to do something about Haruno sneaking into my bed at night. I know she is just trying to tease me but this goes beyond just a little fun between siblings. I guess I'll have to talk to her about it seriously.

I heard two loud voices coming from in front of me. I turned my gaze towards them to find a young girl with brown hair and a bulky guy with black hair. The muscular guy was grabbing the left hand of the girl and probably trying to drag her somewhere. The guy even had a smirk formed on his face.

 ***Sigh***

I guess this must be fate then. I was itching to let out some steam. I guess I'll just vent my anger on you then…

I walked towards the brown haired girl.

"Let me go!" The girl shouted at the bulky guy.

"Why don't you let her go, my man." I said to the guy with a smirk.

"Huh? Who are you? She- **Ugh**!" The guy let out a painful shriek as I punched him in the gut.

I slipped my bag off my shoulder and handed it to the girl beside me.

"E-Eh?" The girl wore a confused expression as she grabbed my bag.

The big guy got back his composer as his hand formed into fist.

But my smirk only got bigger. I guess you don't really know me, huh… Do you have any idea how many martial arts degrees I have?

 **Kapow!**

 **Bang!**

 **HaiYaaah!**

I crossed my arms, now standing with a winning smirk formed on my face. The bulky guy now lied on his back, defeated. Hehe… I guess you were no match for me as we-

 ***THUD***

 ***THUD***

"A-re, A-re! Why are you hitting me!?" I shouted at the girl who was currently hitting me with my own bag.

"That was my boyfriend you creep!Now he's never gonna forgive me!"

Ehh? Boyfriend!? That guy!?

The time became slow as I eyed my death coming towards my lower section. The girl's hand gripping the bag which seemed like a chunk of ice that was about to hit my titanic any moment now.

I slowly closed my eyes and waited for my death…

" _Hachiman-sama." A very angelic voice made it's way to my ears._

 _A white girl coated in traditional Yukata stood in front of me. No… She flew in front of me as I simply lied on the ground. Her Yukata fell to the floor, revealing her curvaceous body and bountiful breasts. Her hands trailed all of her body and then slowly made it to her breasts._

 _Her hand gripped something and then pulled it out. A BANANA came into my view as the beautiful women had it clenched in her hand._

 _What is she doing?_

 _One of her finger trailed along the banana's body and then gripped it hard. Too hard…_

 _HARD!_

 ***THUD***

" **GAgHGgh!"** I let out a grunt full of pain as my bag hit my Titanic full on.

Warning! The titanic has leakage!

"Creep!" The brown haired spat out as she then helped her boyfriend out of the scene.

I was right all along… All women are troub- Gagh!

I dragged my useless self to the side of the road. Hurts... still hurts...

"Meow~" I heard a white cat meowing from beside me.

I raised my hand and patted the cat's head. For some reason, only cats understand my pain in this world.

"Meow~" The cat kept meowing. Could it be maybe hungry?

"Hey, kitty... You hungry?"

"Did that guy seriously just say that to you?" A random girl no.1 said from beside us.

"What a creep." A random passing girl no.2 said while scoffing at me.

I didn't even say that to you... Well whatever...

* * *

I now stood in front of my house, right outside the entrance. I have a feeling Haruno is upto something weird right now. I can even bet on it.

 ***Ring* *Ring*** My phone rang.

I checked my phone to see a text from Hayama flashing on the screen. What does this guy want now?

' _Sorry for the rude behavior earlier, Hacchan. Won't happen again ;)_

 _You should visit me like you used to do! We can have fun like before, you can even bring Harunee along! :D'_

"…"

There's no way this guy isn't gay for me…

Wait Wait! Don't leave! This isn't a Yaoi fic! don't worry!

' _There's no way I'm ever visiting you. I don't swing that way.'_ I replied.

I put the phone in my pocket and stepped inside the apartment where me and my sister stayed. Father bought it for me before he passed away. I was supposed to live alone here but my mother just couldn't shake the feeling of me living alone. Haruno took the chance and jumped right in with me. My cursed luck…

"Welcome home, daaaarling~" Came the voice of Haruno Hikigaya.

"…"

"How was your day~"

"…"

"Would you like something to eat now? Or would you like to take a bath first? Or maybe… You would like… Me…"

"I am staying at Hayama's place tonight. Sayonara." I said as I started walking out of the apartment.

"Ehhh!? Haaaachi-kuuun!"

* * *

I leaned my head behind as I sat on the couch. My banana still hurt. Damn that girl…

I turned my head to the left to find Haruno scooting towards me with each passing second.

"Hachi-kun…" Haruno muttered. Her body pressed against mine.

"I am way too tired to be dealing with you now, Haruno."

"Hoh!? Hachi-kun! Let's have sex!"

"No, Thank you."

"But intercourse can release stress!"

"I'm not that stressed. So shoo~"

"Haaachi-kuun!"

"Oye! You're an adult! Act like one!" I shouted at her while she just pouted in return.

"Hachi-kun, I'm bored. Let's play a game!"

"You're way too old to be playing games."

"Let's play Twister!" She cheered

"No way! You sexually harassed me 21 times the last time we played that game!"

"Ne, Ne… Hachi-kun. Mother has been asking me to get you to attend the party tomorrow."

"…Is she now. Why are you telling me that then."

"Because I love you of course!" Wha? T-That idiot…

"W-Wha…? Don't just b-blurt nonsense out."

"Hooh? Hachi-kun, You're such a tsundere!"

"Wah!? I'm not a tsundere."

"Only Tsunderes say that you know."

"Well whatever… Just be careful with your teasings. What if someone else heard it. I can't even imagine what they would think." I said

"…But. I'm not lying." Haruno's face turned downwards. Her bangs covered her eyes.

"Huh?"

"I really really do love you, Hachi-kun." Haruno said as she leaned in towards me.

Her face mere inches away from mine. I could feel her warm breath falling on my lips. Her eyes were close and an urge was pushing me to close mine as well. I lifted my hand up and grabbed he shoulder.

I pushed her back. Her face now contained a confused expressions.

"H-Hachi-kun?"

"We can't, Haruno. We're siblings. There is a fine line that we can never cross." I said to her.

"…Do you think... I don't know that?"

"Haruno…"

"I know we're siblings. But I still love you, Hachi-kun." She said as she turned around. Her back now facing my front. Her face now hidden from me.

"H-Haruno…"

"T-That is why… We can't do what normal couples do… but…" She moved her upperbody downwards. Her hips now facing my direction.

"Haruno?"

"But… Going up the ass is fine, right~?" She said as she gave me an A-OK sign.

"…"

"…"

"Like hell it is!"

"But Anal sex doesn't count though!"

"Like hell it doesn't count! Give me back all the sympathies that I wasted on you right now!"

"But Hachi-kun!"

"Heeh! What are you doing!? Move your butt out of my face- MNghaghg Mgngh!"

"Ahhh! Hachi-kun~!"

* * *

 **Woah... Didn't really expect all you guys to ask for incest. Well I think you guys kinda got my motives a bit wrong here. I'm not really writing this seriously. I'm actaully only doing this as a practice. Since I have been told that I have zero sense of humor. Do you have any idea how awkward it is when you tell a joke and no one laughs? They are like... 'Oh that was a joke?' Gah... Painful memories... Well anyways... Do leave a review. And don't wait for chap 3 since I have no idea what to write. Even if I write it's probably going to be perverted and awkward...**

 **That's all...**

 **Adios~**


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Oregairu. I only own a damaged brain. I just insulted myself, didn't I... Oh... and also, this is supposed to be OOC.**

* * *

Her eyes trailed my body like a predator eyeing its prey. Her curvaceous body screaming at me to feel them up. Her hips swayed seductively with each move she made towards me.

Both of her legs rested beside my waist. She was straddling me while I was eyeing her godlike figure. Her long blonde hair, her shining blue eyes…

I moved my hand towards her bare thigh. I could feel her moaning as I caressed her thighs. She leaned in as I did the same. Our lips met, leaving zero distance between us.

Her soft yet rough lips tasted like something beyond this world. I moved my hand near her breasts. Her slender and soft hands trailed my hard abs. I wanted to taste every part of her body right now…

The tingles that were sent to my body due to her tongue clashing with mine, were unavoidable. Our lips parted as we broke the kiss due to lack of air. A thin line of saliva still connected us.

I turned my gaze towards her watery eyes. They were filled with lust. She wanted more and so did I…

I moved my hands near her nether region as she planted her lips on my shoulder. Her teeth clenching my skin as I unbuttoned the shorts she was wearing.

"H-Hach… Ah…" Her soft voice falling against my ear sent tingles down my spine.

I grabbed her long member with my right hand as she started letting out bigger and louder moans.

"S-Stroke it…" She whispered into my ears.

I moved my hand up and dow-

Eh?

Stroke it…?

I hastily moved my head around to come face to face with her.

Short blonde hair, Blue eyes…

Wait… didn't she have long hair?

"H-Hacchan…"

…

…

…

"H-H-Hayama…?"

"Hacchan what's wrong?"

…

…

…

" **BWAAAAAAHHGHGH!"** I screamed at the top of my lungs as the nightmare finally ended.

"E-EH!? Hachi-kun, what happened!?" The lady beside me asked

"G-GIVE ME A BUCKET! I'M GONNA PUKE! I'M GONNA PUKE!"

"Hachi-kun calm down!"

I finally managed to calm down. I looked around to find myself in a dark room, laying on my own bed thankfully with no Hayama around. But a half naked onee-san beside me. A white blanket covering both of us.

 ***Sigh*** I let out a very tired sigh.

"I thought I was gonna die."

"Hachi-kun, what happened?"

"Nothing… I just had a terrible, terrible nightmare."

"Oh… That so… Come here. I'll comfort you." Haruno said while spreading her arms towards me.

"H-Hai… Wait a minute… WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED!?"

"Aww… don't sweat the small stuff, Hachi-kun. Come here, let Onee-san take care of you~"

"I DON'T NEED THAT! GET OUT OF MY ROOM, WOMAN!"

* * *

 ***Tap***

 ***Tap***

 ***Tap***

Here I now stood in front of my elder sister. My underwears scattered on the ground. An annoyed expression formed on my face.

"Umm… Hachi-kun?"

"…"

"Ehehehe…"

"Care to explain, Haruno?"

"Hai! Your underwear smells Wonderful!"

"I DIDN'T WANT A FEEDBACK YOU PERVERTED WOMAN And Give them back this instant!"

"But Hach-"

"No Buts!"

"Hoh… Would you go through the front instead?"

"Don't make my words sound perverted! And I'm heading to school now so don't you dare touch my underwear during my absence."

"Haaachi-kuuun~!"

"Oi! W-What are you doing! Don't pounce on me! W-Wha! Why are you taking your clothes off?! D-Don't strip Dammit!"

"Haaaaachi-kuuun!"

"Don't be creepy Haruno!"

"But being creepy is your forte though!"

"Oye! Don't love me and insult me at the same time woman! And Get Off Me!"

"But at least give me a goodbye kiss! Haaaachi-kuuun!"

* * *

I slid on the shoes and closed the locker. I turned my head to the side to find a familiar blonde hair standing in front of me with his usual thousand watt fake smile.

"Good morning, Hacchan." He said while I retorted by backing up a meter faster than the speed of sound.

"HIIIISSSSS!" I hissed at the blonde.

"U-Umm… Hach-" The enemy stepped a bit closer.

"HIIISSSSS!" I backed away another meter.

"Hacchan you alri-"

"HIIIIIISSSSSS!" I hissed one last time as I then tried my best to run the opposite way.

…

…

"For some reason that really hurt you know…" Hayama deadpanned.

* * *

Phew~

I thought I was done for this morning. I barely even managed to escape from the classroom without that bastard noticing me.

I slid the door to my clubroom open. The cold air that was formed in the room hit me full on. The two coldest student spent their time in this place… of course it would be cold.

The same old black hair tied in a ponytail came to my sight. The red glasses that she wore on as well. Not to forget the cold aura that she emitted.

"Yo." I said upon entering the clubroom. Yuigahama's not here yet, huh…

For some unknown reason, Yukinoshita's eyes widened as she saw me entering. Her hand moved quickly as she pulled out her cellphone. Her fingers hastily moved to… dial someone's number…?

"110!? I think there's a suspicious looking man st-"

"Sorry to disappoint but I'm your clubmate… not a criminal." I deadpanned

"Oh… Hikigaya-kun…? Uh… I apologize then. I'm afraid it's a false call."

"…"

"Sorry for mistaking you for a criminal, Hikigaya-kun." You totally don't seem sorry.

"Yeah, right…"

"I can't be helped though… It's probably because of your rotten eyes. Or maybe because of your rotten personality. Or maybe-"

"Yeah, Yeah.I know. All of me is rotten."

I took my usual seat as the black haired beauty giggled behind her hand. The ice queen of Sobu High. The unapproachable beauty who has a rather unique way of speaking. Or what you would call a rotten mouth. No wonder she doesn't have any friends.

"You don't have any friends either, Hikigaya-kun."

Heh!? Esper!?

"No. You were just thinking out loud."

Huh?!

"I was? Did you also hear the part where I called you a beauty?"

"W-W-Wha? O-Of course I did." You obviously did not…

 ***Creak***

"Yahaallo~!" And in comes Yuigahama Yui.

"Yo." "Hello, Yuigahama-san."

"Hikki! Why'd you leave me behind!"

"Because I didn't want to be seen with you, you idiot."

"G-gah… So blunt! Yukinoooon~!"

"Yuigahama-san you really should maintain a safe distance with him. There is no telling to what he is capable of." Yukinoshita warned Yuigahama.

"As you already know, I have no lack of money or women. So there's no need for me to become a criminal." I said

"That's right Yukinon! Hikki wouldn't do anything anyway!"

"That statement of yours just proved that a disfigured face isn't the only bad trait of yours." Disfigured?! Cold woman! That's seriously cold!

"D-Disfigured face…? Let me tell you that I have been called handsome by many women."

"Ara… I didn't even think you were familiar with the word handsome." Yukinoshita said. Oye, Oye… just because someone's not good looking doesn't mean they don't even know that word.

"Says the one with flat chest."

"W-Wha! Out of comebacks already?" Woah… that was pretty fast, Yukinoshita-san… I honestly thought you would stumble for atleast ten seconds.

It's gonna be another quiet club session eh? Well, not that I mind though. I sat on my usual place with a light novel in my hand while Yukinoshita had some big book in hers and Yuigahama… well Yuigahama's just being Yuigahama…

"That's mean, Hikki!"

Heeh! is everyone an Esper here!?

* * *

 _His shining blue eyes met my dark grey ones. His hands cupped my cheeks. His head leaned in to find my lips. My own lips tasted hi-_

 **EMERGENCY EXIT ACTIVATED**

"WAAAAGHGH! NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!" I let out a scream upon waking up from a nightmare.

"Uwaah! Hikki what's wrong!?" A startled Yugahama asked.

"First you doze off, then you scream our ears off. Could you be any more disgusting?" Yukinoshita said without even looking at me. This woman doesn't ever lose her cool does she?

"Setting that insult aside… That dream was definitely disgusting." I said to no one in particular.

Yeah, that's right. It was disgusting. Yeah… It totally was. It was right?

"Hikki, you okay?" My eyes landed on Yuigahama. First thing that came to my sight was her bigger than average breasts. Tch… and people say Asians don't have boobs…

W-Wait a minute…

Yosh!

"YUIGAHAMA!" I shouted at Yuigahama, nearly startling everyone.

"H-HAI?"

"Yuigahama, let me touch your boobs! I need to confirm if I'm gay or not!" I shouted as I ran after Yuigahama.

"UWaaaH! H-Hikki! N-No way!"

"I-I K-Knew It! I Knew you were a d-despicable man from the very b-beginning!" Yukinoshiya screamed at me while also pointing her finger at me.

"Yuigahama!"

"N-NO Hikki!"

"Y-Yuigaham-san! I'm calling the police!" Yukinoshita started tapping away on her phone.

No! Yuigahama! Wait! This is a matter of life and death!

Huff…

…Huff

Maan… this girl's a fast one.

I turned my eyes towards Yukinoshita who was reading the scene with a disgusted look formed on her face. I turned my gaze a little lower, towards her nonexistent chest.

…

…

…

…Nope…

"Yuigahama! Wait!" I shouted

"W-WHA!? Why y-you! Don't you know FLAT IS JUSTICE!?" Yukinoshita screamed from behind.

* * *

I slid on the shoes and pulled the bag over my shoulder.

I felt a cold metal like object touch the right side of my neck. The object even had a wet feeling to it. I turned my head around to find a girl with braids standing behind me with her lips stretched into a big smile.

"Hakkun, ready to head out?" Meguri senpai asked, her hand containing a can of MAXX Coffee.

"Ah… No. I've got a Senpai with greyish braids to ditch." I said

"HOoh… Is she disturbing you, Hakkun? Don't worry I'll scare her off if I see her disturbing you again!" She said with her fists curled into a small fist. I don't think I wanna know if she's just playing dumb or is she really that dumb.

"All my insults fly over your head, don't they?" I deadpanned.

"Eh? What do you mean, Hakkun."

"Don't even bother, Senpai. Let's just go."

"Uh… Okay! But Hakkun! Here! It's for you." Senpai said while shoving the can of goodness towards me.

Heh!? That's for me!? AWw You sweet little thing.

"Have I told you how much I love you, Senpai?" I said while taking the can in my hand.

"Ungn! I love you too, Hakkun." She said with a bigger smile than before. I felt my cheels reddening just by looking at her smile.

Heh!? Instant reply!? What is this!? Does this girl have no shame!?

"Let's go, Hakkun~!"

"HUH!? Don't cling so close to me! You're gonna give me a heart attack!"

* * *

Shiromeguri Meguri. You can say she's the closest among all other acquaintances I have. Probably because all my rotten stuff go over her innocent head. She's the exact opposite of what I am. She is most of the times pretty oblivious to her surroundings and for some reason, that obliviousness hits the roof especially when she is with me. Oh and I forgot to mention that she lives right beside my apartment.

"I'm home." I said upon entering my apartment.

"I'm here too~" Senpai said upon entering as well. Her arm still wrapped around mine.

"Senpai, you know… You should really release me if you wanna live." I said to Senpai.

"Eh? What do you mean, Hakk-"

 ***SWOOSH*** A cold stainless steel like object swooshed through the middle of us. Resulting in me jumping back a meter and Senpai staying oblivious to everything.

Heh!? What is this demonic aura!?

"Ara~ You guys aren't hurt are you? Sorry about the knife… My hand slipped. Whoopsie~" Haruno while flashing a demonic smile.

"Don't whoopsie my ass! Hands don't just slip like that!" I shouted

"Hoh? You sure, Hachi-kun? Want me to demonstrate again?" Scary, woman! Scary!

"Ah! Haru-Senpai~!" Senpai said while walking towards Haruno with a smile.

"Ah! If it isn't Bitch… Ara~ I mean Meguri…" Haruno said while Senpai still smiled. Times like these… I'm really glad Senpai is dumb.

Huh!? The demonic aura is increasing!

"U-Umm… Senpai, I just remembered that I have some work to do. You should probably leave now. I'll call you later." I said while trying a fake smile.

"Heeeh? But Hakkun, you never call me even if you say you will though!"

"W-What!? I will this time. For sure. See? I even have your number on speed dial." I said with my phone in my hand. I have a total of seven numbers registered here. No wonder you're on speed dial.

"Hoooh… You do have me on speed dial!" Senpai said as she leaned her head in to peek at my phone. Her bossoms pressed against my arms.

OYE! What Do You Have A Death Wish Or Something!? If You Wanna Die Then Go Do It Somewhere Else, Woman! Why Are You Trying To Take Me With You!? I'm Seriously About to-

 ***SWOOSH*** Another deadly knife missed my cheek by a centimeter.

"Wahhggh!" I Shouted as I backed away.

"Tell me, Hikigaya-kun… You don't mind, right?" Heh!? Mind what!?

"Eeeh!? Haru-Senpai!?" Senpai shouted as Haruno pounced on her while I watched from the sideline.

"You've been awfully clingy lately huh, Meguri?"

"No…. Haru-Senpai~!"

Heh!?

"Who do you think you're calling Hakkun, HUH!?"

"N-No… H-Haru-Senpai, Not there…"

Heeeh!?

"Shut up and let your Senpai teach you a lesson!"

"E-Eh! H-Haru-Senpai! N-Not there! I'll Become an adult! S-Stop! I'LL BECOME AN ADULT!"

HEEEEEEEHH!?

* * *

 **For some reason, I felt really pumped up to write this. Well, here you go folks. I also cant believe that my last chapter was actually a success. Lets hope this one does good as well. And always remember!**

 **Favs + Follows + Reviews = Ejaculation! Err... I mean Ejection... of new chapter...**

 **For more info visit 'twogirlsonecup dot com'**

 **Well, anyways... Thats all for now. I'll see you all 2 months later. Until then,**

 **Sayonara~**


	4. Chapter 4

I yawned as I walked through the lone street with no companion beside me. I could have asked Haruno but… well, you already know why I wouldn't do that. Now the question appears… Why am I outside? Why am I walking? Where am I going?

To answer your question, I am going to the nearby convenience store. Why? Because the author wants me to bump into someone and the store seemed to be the right place for tha-

 ***THUD*** A thudding sound could be heard as I bumped into a certain someone. Resulting in the certain someone falling to the ground.

"W-Wha… You alright?" I asked as I shoved my hand forward and downward to get her up. But all I got in return was a very intimidating glare.

She had long blonde hair. A mask that seemed to have fallen from her face, revealing it. A big jacket with a hoodie covering her body. I probably wouldn't even have found out that it's a girl if her mask hadn't slipped off.

Wait a minute… I know this chick! She's the blondie that always hangs around Hayama. Not to mention the service she gives to him by scaring off all the girls in the school. What was her name again…?

As I was busy with my thoughts, the blondie got up and started to gather the stuff that were scattered on the ground. I crouched down and started helping her. I grabbed the magazine that she dropped because of me.

Time started to run slow as I took the front page of the magazine into my notice. There was a picture of a guy on the front page. His naked body tied to a chair as a brunette woman stood next to him with whip in her. Large, Large red scars covered the man's entire body.

I was just about to look inside but suddenly a hand appeared on top of the magazine and grabbed it. With a swift pull, the magazine disappeared from my sight and into the chick's bag.

 ***Gulp*** Her eyes met with mine as I gulped in fear. The intensity of the glare sky rocketed.

" **L** o **ok** s **li** k **e** y **ou** jus **t** s **a** w s **ome** th **in** g **y** ou sh **oul** dn **'t** ha **v** e. **"** A very sinister voice made it's way to my ears.

Scary! So Scary! Run Hachiman! Run!

"Ahahaha… I'llGoNow!" I quickly said as I proceeded to run away from the scene.

W-What the heck was up with that girl… But man… Her fantasies are terrifying.

* * *

I raised my hand and put my palm on the door handle. I applied force to my palm, moving my hand to the left. Sliding the door to the club room open.

"Yo." I said as I stepped inside. A human was already present in the room. Needless to say, my greeting was directed towards her.

Her eyes clashed with mine. Her eyes widened in response. Her hands moved towards her bag as fast as they could. A phone appeared out of nowhere as she clutched onto it with both of her hand. she quickly dialed something and called someone.

Yeah… This again…?

"Moshi Moshi, Ministry of Defense? There's a suspicious looking person in m-"

"Oi! YOU'RE SKIPPING THE POLICE AND HEADING STRAIGHT TO THE MINISTRY NOW!?"

"A-Ah… Hikigaya-kun. Forgive me, I thought it was some petty criminal."

"H-Hoh… Keep this up and you'll probably turn me into one."

"Moshi Moshi, CIA?"

"YOU'RE GOING TO THE AMERICANS NOW!?"

"Yahallo~" And in comes Yuigahama. You're always here to save my day aren't you?

"A-Ah… Hello Yuigahama-san."

"Yo."

"A-re…? Hikki, Yukinon, what are you guys talking about?" Yuigahama asked as she inspected the atmosphere of the room.

"I was just about to report a future criminal. And you might want to come here, Yuigahama-san. That thing over there is quite the repulsive one." Yukinoshita said with a straight face.

"Oye, Oye, you can't just report someone who hasn't even committed a crime you know." I said

"Tch… I truly fear for your victims. But don't worry. As a proud citizen, I am going to make sure that a criminal like you gets the place you deserve." Yukinoshita said with her arms crossed.

"Like I Just Said! I am not going to become a criminal!"

"D-Don't worry Hikki! I'll wait for you to get out of jail!" Yuigahama said

"Huh!? Ah C'Mon! not you too! A-And wait a minute… What do you mean by wait for you?" I asked while looking at Yuigahama.

"E-Eh? U-Uh… Umm… Eh-To… Eh… Hikki you B-BAKA!" Yuigahama shouted as she ran away.

…

…

"What just happened?" I mumbled to myself

"You really are just as low as your grades." Yukinon said with a nod.

"Oi! I didn't even do anything! And grades don't define a person."

"That's where you're wrong. Grades are what define a person." She said as she then took her usual seat and her usual tea.

"That is some twisted definition."

"Not nearly as twisted as you."

* * *

"Come on brat, do this for me." Sensei said as she clasped her palms together in an apologetic motion.

"No Way!" I declined

"Hmm… How about this… If you do it, then I will marry you." She said with a wink at the end. Seriously… Is this how a teacher is supposed to act?

"No Thank Yo- **Gahgh!** " I felt a very painful sensation in my stomach area as Sensei punched a whole even Saitama himself couldn't.

"Huh!? It almost felt like you said… 'I don't want to get married to an old woman'" She said with a sinister.

H-heh!? When did I ever say that!? Well… Technically you would kinda be an old la- **GAHGh!**

"I didn't even say anything this time!" I shouted at the teacher. Good thing no one's here.

"If you don't want to do it then fine. I'll force you to do it! And if you still don't do it then I'm gonna tell every single student that you fu-"

"STAAAHP! I'll DO It! I'll DO it! Just Stop!"

"Fu Fu… good choice."

And now… here I stood in front of the girl's locker room with a broom in my hand.

Such misfortune…

I cleaned almost everything single trace of dirt I could find and was about to head out. The entire room was shining to say the least. Including the lockers as well. Come to think of it… These belong to the girls… The girls… I wonder wha-

 ***Slip***

 ***CRANK***

 ***THUD***

Ah… shit…

I opened my eyes but was unable to see anything due to intense darkness. I also felt something soft touching my eyes. I raised my hand and grabbed the soft clothing.

Light enveloped my eyes as a flashy pink underwear became visible to me. The underwear being in my hand made the situation really, really bad. I was now sitting on the shining ground with the underwear in my hand and an open locker in front of me. I must have opened it accidentally while falling.

 ***CliCK***

H-heh!? What was that!?

No one saw me right!?

I better get out of here before anyone decides to drop by and spank my ass to kingdom come.

Don't worry, Hachiman. You're not a pervert. You know that.

* * *

I got outside the school. The weather wasn't all that bad today. In fact it was perfect. It didn't have that warm feeling nor did it have any cold ones. It was just Chiba on its finest.

"Over here, Hacchan!" A very annoying voice penetrated my ear.

"Yo." I said as the source of the annoying voice got close.

"Let's walk home together." Hayama suggested

"Huh? What happened to your friends? They not in the mood to walk you home or something?" I said as I started walking away.

"Oh, no. I asked them to go ahead." He said with his usual smile as he started walking beside me.

…

…

…

"Ahahahaha…" Hayama laughed for no apparent reason. Probably to dissolve the awkwardness created by silence.

"An idiot's sense of humor at its best, I see."

"H-Hey! L-Let me go. P-Please!" A child-like voice was heard as we walked down the road.

"Hoh!? You want this? Come and get it… If you can that is." Another child like voice could be heard, coming from the same direction.

"Hacchan, let's go." Hayama said as he dragged me to the middle of the park, where the voices were coming from.

"Oye, Oye! Why are you dragging me for!?" I have a very good idea what it is and I don't wanna get involved.

As we entered the scene, we found three elementary school boys standing in front of two girls with probably the same age. The three boys could be seen with two handbags that they were playing around with. Sometimes giving laughing at the girls for no reason.

"Hey!" Hayama yelled as he approached them.

"Huh? Who's that guy?" One of the three boys said while looking at the blonde highschooler.

The two girls instantly ran towards Hayama for protection. Does this guy have a girl magnet on him or something?

The two girls huffed continuously as Hayama crouched down to be on their eye level.

"Calm down you two…" Hayama said to the two girls, in order to calm them down.

"Waaaaah! Uwahghhh!" Soon enough the two girls started to cry their eyeballs out, simultaneously.

"E-Eh… Uh… U-Umm… Girls, calm d-down." Hayam said as he started patting the girls heads in order to calm them down. I almost pity this guy… Almost…

"T-Those… Boys… T-They… UwaaaAah!"

"Huh? Those tiny idiots over there? Well, stop crying already. Don't worry. We're here now. It's fine now." I said without looking at the two kids.

 ***Thud*** A thudding sound echoed as the two kids suddenly started clinging to my legs.

"O-Oye! Don't cling to me!"

"A-A-Arigatou! O-Ojii-San!" Both of the girls said as they continued to cry like kids.

HEH!? O-Ojii-san?!

"O-Oi! Who do you think you're calling Ojii-San!?"

" _Pf_ … _Pff_ … _Pfft_ ….. Ojii-San… _Pfftt_ " Hayama tried his best to not chuckle.

…

…

…

" **H** o **h**? Did I just… Hear you **laug** h **in** g…? H **ay** a **ma?** "

"Eeeya, Eeeya, Eeeya! _Pfft_ **…** Of course not! _Pfftt_ **…** "

"Uwwaaahh! O-Ojii-San's s-scawry…!" The girls said as they ran towards the blonde prince.

Oi! Where did all the gratefulness GO!?

"O-Obaa-San! H-Help u-us!"

"H-Huh…? O-Obaa-S-San…?" Hayama mumbled with a ridiculous look formed on his face.

"Pfft… Pfft… Pfft… BWahhhaahaaha! OBAA-SAN?! SHE CALLED YOU OBAA-SAN! BWahahha!" I started laughing with my ass on the ground. Tears about to escape my eyes, due to intense laughter.

"H-HEY! At Least Try To Not Laugh!" Hayama shouted

" **You two have some nerve, ignoring us. What now? You planning on ganging up on us with a few highschool punks?"** A very sinister voice came from in front of us. The voice enough to make the two kids to cling to us.

I turned my head towards Hayama and Hayama turned his head towards me. We both next eyed our opponent in front of us.

…

…

…

"They're tiny." I said to Hayama while looking at the elementary school brats in front of us.

"Y-Yeah, they kinda are, I guess." Hayama said with a sheepish voice.

"HUH!? Who Do You Think You're Calling TINY, You Old Man!?"

" **WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE CALLING OLD, YA DUMB BRAT?"** Me and Hayama said simultaneously.

"U-Uwa… Scary… high Schoolers are scary!" One of the three brats said while quivering.

* * *

"So, What's the problem?" I asked. My arms rested on top of each other. I stood in a pose, which said 'get ready for you punishment'

"T-They took our bags away from us!" One of the two girls said.

I turned my head towards the three mischievous brats. Idiot bullies… I walked towards them and then stopped right in front of them.

"Hmm… YOU'VE GOT SOME NERVE YOU DUMB BRAT! APOLOGIZE THIS INSTANT!" I Yelled… It feels good…

"Un… Ung… Umn…. **UWAAAA! UWAGH!"**

S-Shit…

"A-Ah! Calm down! Calm down! H-Hacchan don't be so harsh… why don't you let me try for now?" Hayama said as he came to the rescue.

"What? Oh… Sure. Whatever." I said as I walked away.

" **UWAAAAHH! UWAAAHH~~!"**

"Hey kids. Listen… You shouldn't do stuff like this. What would your parents think if they found out about this? Come on… Hand over the bags and just a little apology should do it. Then we can all be friends." Hayama said while shining brightly. The kids also stopped crying.

"W-Well… ***Snif*** If you're gonna say it like that… Then **Li** c **k** m **y** s **hoe** s a **n** d **be** g f **or** i **t!** " The brat said with a sinister smile at the end.

…

…

…

"… **IMMA KILL YOU! YOU LITTLE SH-"**

"HEEH! CONTROL, Hayama, CONTROL! DON'T BREAK CHARACTER!" I shouted as I restrained an enraged Hayama.

* * *

"Ranta! I think they are looking down on us! Let's teach them a lesson." One of the brats said

"You're right. Get your weapons ready!" Another one of the brats said as they all pulled out baseball bats out of nowhere. Heh!? Where did they pull that bat out of? Bullies are getting scarier nowadays.

Looks like there is no other way.

"H-Hey Hey… Why don't we all settle d-" Hayama tried to settle the tension but I cut him off.

"Don't Hayama. If a fight is all they want. Then we'll give them that fight." I said as I started unbuttoning my shirt. And threw my blazer away to the side.

"Uh? Hacchan, what are you doing?"

I kept silent and made a kung fu pose while showing off my abs.

"E-Eh… Obaa-san, Ojii-san is being like really creepy!"

"Ku ku ku… Come, you little brats! Show me what me what you got!" I hissed

"Y-You…!" One of the brats ran forward with his plastic bat.

 ***THUD*** His plastic bat fell right on my naked back.

"UGH-Ahhh~!" I let out a moan.

"Eh!? What was that!?" One of the brats exclaimed.

"TAKE THIS!" Another brat yelled as he also swung his bat up high in order to hit me.

 ***THUD***

"UNgh! AH~!" I let out another moan.

"Wh-Wha… D-Did he just let out a moan…?"

"N-No way… He's t-that kind of guy…" One of the brats shivered.

"Ah~! What happened!? More! Gimme more! MORE! YAAAHOOO~!" I said as I started running towards them as they started running away from me.

"Run! Ranta! This guy's t-trouble!"

Heheh… Just as expected… this always works.

I returned to the scene with both bags hanging by my shoulder. A winner's smirk formed on my face. The others welcomed me with a baffled look.

"Here." I said as I handed out the bags.

"Y-Yeah… I don't think I even want that bag anymore, Ojii-san."

"Y-Yeah, me neither."

"That was incredibly gross, Hacchan."

"HUH!? What Do You Mean You Don't Want Them!? And What Do You Mean Gross!?"

* * *

 **Hehe... Something fishy seems to be cooking. Wonder what that is. Well, Do show me some love guys, by leaving a review. Thats what gets me motivated to ejaculate... err... Eject... new chapters... that jokes getting old eh.**

 **Thats all for now,**

 **Sayonara~**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Oregairu. I only own a damaged brain. I just insulted myself, didn't I... Oh... and also, this is supposed to be OOC.**

 **Okaaay... This is the last one folks... Hope you enjoy it.**

 **WARNING: This entire fic is a joke. Do not take this seriously!**

* * *

"Thank you, Hacchan." Hayama said with a flashy grin as he walked behind me. Following me for no known reason.

"Huh? Why?" What is this guy talking about…?

"I know what you did there…" He said with another flashy grin.

"What are you talking about?"

"…There were other ways to teach those kids a lesson but you chose the most selfless way. It was because of the girls wasn't it?"

T-This little…

"Aren't you thinking a little too much, Hayama? I only wanted to poke fun a little. That's all there is to it." I said as I started to walk away.

"I really like that side of you, Hacchan."

"Huh!? Why the heck are you confessing all of a sudden? And people say I'm the creepy one." I mocked

"W-Wha-What!? I-I'm not confessing!" Hayama shouted while throwing his hands frantically in the air.

"Why the hell are you sluttering you masochistic pig!?"

"I-I'm n-not sluttering!"

"At least say that without sluttering!"

* * *

I somehow managed to ditch Hayama and now am walking towards my apartment, alone. I was about to step inside but a sudden ringing sound on my phone stopped me. I pulled my cell phone out to find an unknown number calling me. I picked up the incoming call and… Oi do I need to explain everything now?

"You've got Hikigaya Hachiman." I said upon picking up.

"…." Nothing came from the other side of the line.

"Hello?"

"…."

"Hello….?"

"…."

"Hello from the other side…?" I sang but nothing came yet again.

I hung up to find an anonymous picture message notification displayed on my phone. It was a picture of me holding a pink ladies underwear in front of an open locker.

W-What the…

'Look behind you' The anonymous person sent me a text.

I turned my head around to find a feminine figure standing right in front of me. Her long blonde hair flew through the wind. Her sharp olive eyes glared at my dark gray ones. Her lips stretched into a devilish smirk.

"Kya Ha ha ha~! Looks like someone's in trou-" She let out a classic devilish laugh

"Moshi Moshi… 110? There's a blonde girl stalking m- UfF!"

"HEY! DON'T CALL THE POLICE! AND THAT JOKE'S OVERUSED!" She shouted as she threw her shoe at me.

"Who are you and why do you have my number?"

"I would tell you if you would actually let me without interrupting." She said

"Talk then…" I said.

"Hmfh… Where was I…?" She hmp'ed

"(-_-)"

"(o_o)"

…

"(o_o)"

"(-_-)"

"Where was I again…?" She asked while I stared at her with a blank look.

"Are You Kidding Me!?"

"O-Oh... I got it. Chill out creep. I got it." She said

"So… What do you want?" I asked while keeping my distance.

"Hoh… Straight to the point? You're not gonna ask how I got the picture? You know what, I like that." She mocked. Wait a second… She's the blonde I ran into yesterday. The one that is always with Hayama.

"Well… you probably got my number from Hayama. And you definitely want something in return."

"Hmm… I thought you would be the dumb type. Anyways, the reason I am doing this is because I want you… TO EXPRESS YOURSELF!" She shouted the last part.

"E-Express…? myself? C-Could it be…? SEXUAL HARASSMENT! SOMEONE HELP ME! SEXUAL HARASSMENT!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

"W-Wha! STOP! I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO GET NAKED YOU CREEP!"

"H-Huh…"

"What I'm asking is… Be my SLAVE!" She shouted yet again.

…

…

"SEXUAL HARASSMENT! SEXUAL HARASSMENT!"

"Will You Man Up Already!" She screamed

"Anyways, show that to whoever you want. I don't care. I'm already the most hated man in school." I said as I turned away.

"W-Wha! W-Wait!"

" _YAAHOOO~!" "AHHN~! Gimme more! More~!"_ My eyes widened as those voices made their way to my ears.

"Y-You Bitc-"

"Kya Ha Ha Ha Ha~! Looks like I got your attention now." She laughed like a maniac straight out of an 60's movie.

"You do realize who you're threatening, right?" I asked in a menacing tone.

"Hoh? Of course, I do. That's why I wonder… What would happen if this were to get… You know… Public. Not to mention, they were kids. You're probably gonna get a straight ticket to Jail. Kya Ha Ha Ha Ha~!" That laugh's getting really irritating now.

"Just what do you really want, woman?"

"Ahem... I may have come out as a lunatic before. But I've got the words in mind now. Now, what I really want… is for you to Express Your Feelings! Freely!" She shouted the last part as she did some inspiring pose.

"Express my feelings…?"

"Hai! The feeling to be dominated! The feeling to be ravaged by three Men! **Ga** - **H** e-H **e** … G **ah** e **he~**! But worry not! I will help you express that side of you!" She shouted as her fist curved into a ball of determination. I have a feeling I know where this is going…

"…"

"…"

"No, You just want to use me to get closer to Hayama, don't you?" I said with a deadpanned look on my face.

"WgA-Agh! O-Of-Of c-course n-not! I just wanna h-help you that's all!" S-So Obvious...

"A-Anyways! Meet m-me after school tomorrow! I-If you don't come I'll whip you!" She said as she started running away.

"As if I'd let you do that!"

Th-This chick screams trouble.

* * *

I entered the apartment only to find all the lights turned off. Haruno should be home by now, though.

I was going to enter my room but instead, I stopped on my tracks, after registering light coming out of Haruno's room. The door was slightly opened, letting the light escape the room. I could by now, smell the subtle hints of perfume, the one that Haruno usually wears.

For some obvious reasons… I have very bad feeling about this…

"Haruno… You in there?" I tried calling her, but no answers came back.

"U-Uh… Haruno…?" I tried again, but this time… instead of answers, some stifled sounds came back.

"Okay… I'm coming in. A-And you better not be naked, waiting for me to come in on you like last time!" I pushed the door open.

A view of Haruno squirming around on her bed with my shirt in her grasp, came into my sight. There also seemed to be a body pillow which… very much… resembled me. I could feel my eyebrows twitch as she was chanting my name rather… lewdly…

S-She's doing this on purpose, isn't she?

"H-Hachi-kun~ Wh-Why aren't you home yet~?" I could hear her mumble.

"No, I'm already ho-" I tried to call out to her but was cut off.

"Maybe I should tie him down the next time he comes in. Maybe I'll then ***BEEEEEP* *The following words are way too graphic to be shown on a fic that is rated T*** him… **G** u **he** … G **Uhe** eh **e** … G **uh** e **he** -EH!? Ha-Ha-Hachi-kun!?" Haruno finally noticed my terrified stare.

.

.

A very awkward moment of silence passed as I just stared at her with shock running through my veins.

.

.

"A-Ah…Uh… W-Why don't you come inside, Hachi-kun?"

" **AW HELL NAW!"** I shouted as I started running for my life.

"EHHH!? HACHIIII-KUUUN!"

* * *

Today sure is a blissful day. After all, Haruno had to leave early. I guess even Haruno can't disobey mother's orders. I should be sad for her but I just can't help but be glad.

Today, I can be myself. I can do my deed without having to worry about Haruno peeking on me. I can play with vita-chan without Haruno intervening. I can sleep the whole day without Haruno clinging to me. I could do my laundry, without Haruno stealing my underwear. I can…

At that moment... I realized how miserable my life really is…

At that moment, I also realized that a certain blonde girl was staring at me from behind…

I turned my head around as slowly as I possibly could. Only turning enough to get a glimpse of what's behind me. My eyes fell on the blonde girl as her eyes darted back at mine. Soon, a sadistic grin made it's way onto her face, scaring the jackshiz out of me.

I turned my head forward, towards the teacher, ignoring whatever that I just witnessed.

Class ended like it almost did, club events also ended like it always did. Boring, uneventful, Yukinoshita shouting 'Flat is Justice'. And Yuigahama... Being Yuigahama.

I was going to make my way towards where I live but then I spotted a familiar blueish hair. Long blueish hair tied in a pony tail to be exact.

Isn't that… Kawa… Kawu…? Kaka…? Keka…? No… Pretty sure it started with Kawa… Anyways, lets just ignore her and get home. On second look, something feels really off about her though.

I was about to get past her but unfortunately, we made eye contact.

Shit.

"Yo." I tried my best to greet her.

"Y-Yeah… Yo." Oi!? What was that woman!? That was even lamer than mine!

"Club, huh?" She asked. Her hands gripping the handle of the bicycle that she was carrying. Or more like pushing.

"Y-Yeah. What about you?" What got you so late?

"I'm… Going to pick my brother up. He's in a club, so I thought I would wait around for him to finish up." She said.

SEE!? Haruno learn something from this woman! If you wanna be a brocon! Be one like her! Atleast she has Dignity! But still, something seriously feels off about her though.

"Oi! I heard that!"

"Heh!? Was I talking out loud!? But that was a compliment, though…"

"Like hell that was a complimen-UgH!" She screamed but suddenly tripped due to the bike's front tire colliding with a rather large pebble.

She fell boobs first to the ground with her butt in the air, facing me. In what laws of physics, can this be explained?

But then I got a glimpse of heaven itself…

WOAAH!

Black!

"Nothing feels off anymore! Arigatou~ Kawasomethin- **G** A **u** G **H**!" I said with a bow but was hit by a flying shoe midway.

* * *

I rubbed the side of my face that was hit by Kawasomething's shoe. It hurts but it was definitely worth it. I could see the entrance to my apartment building here. I jumped towards the corner, hiding myself from anyone who could've been in front of the building.

Let's just hope, neither of the blondes are here.

I tried to peek my head through the curves of the wall but the only thing I could see was two green orbs glaring right at me.

"GyAAAh! What The Hell Woman!?"

"Looking for someone?" Miura asked, her hands on her hips.

A-As expected… Y-Yumiko Miura is a dangerous woman.

"Y-Yeah… I was looking for you, of course." I said, a wryly smile on my face.

"Is that so? Then mission accomplished. Let's go." She said as she turned around and faced the direction to my apartment.

"Heh!? Where?"

"Your house."

"What? Why!?"

A big bulky bag was thrown at me. I caught it but the weight of the bag made me crouch on the ground for a second. What the heck is even in this bag!?

* * *

"Oye, Oye! Why are we here again?" I asked, while standing inside my apartment. Miura stood in front of me.

"No questions."

"A-Ah okay… eh WAIT! It's my damn house, woman."

" **Ho** h **…?** R **em** e **mber** th **e vi** d **eo?"** T-This bitch…

"Y-Yes. The house is yours. A-All yours."

"I don't want your house. I want… Yo **ur e** v **eryt** h **ing!"**

"Someone call 110! Sexual harassment! Sexual Harassm- **Ughfg!**!" A punch flew at my direction.

"STOP IT! How Many Times Are You Gonna Use That Joke!?" She shouted

"Ugh… Did you really have to hit m-" Oi! What's with that evil smirk on your face!?

Miura stared at me with her hand rubbing the fist she punched me with. Her face covered in red. A lusty smirk formed on her face. Shallow breaths that could be heard from over here.

Shit.

I F-Forgot That She's a Hardcore Sadist!

"H-Hey, can I hit you again?" She said while squirming and looking down at me.

"HELL NO!" Her smile dropped as soon as I said that. A menacing stare replaced the blush on her face.

Shit…

"Hey, Le **t me** **Hit** Yo **u.** " She said.

"N-No Way! Oh~ look, it's your sister at the door." I said as I pointed behind her.

"Huh…? Oh, ah~! Kotomi-cha-HEH! WAIT! I DON'T HAVE A SISTER!"

"RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, HACHIMAN!" I sprinted away from the place with all the power in my body, only to be stopped by a big bulky bag.

 ***THUMP* *THUD*** My back collided with the bag that was thrown at me, resulting in me dropping to the floor with a loud thudding noise. I could feel the bag getting ripped apart as soon as it touched me.

A lot of loud noises could be heard as the stuff that the bag contained fell right beside me.

Ignoring the pain my back was experiencing, I turned my body around to look at the things beside me.

Heh!? W-what is tha-

A DILDO!?

A DOUBLE ENDED DILDO!?

A THREE-WAY DILDO!? IS THAT EVEN LEGAL!?

A FOUR Wa- oh wait… that's just a picture of Hayama.

I felt another weight dropping on me.

 ***GUAGhG!*** I let out a painful scream as Miura jumped on top of me. Wrapping her hands around me, giving me a bone crushing bear-hug. Making me unable to move any further.

"Hurts! Hurts! Hurts! Hurts!" I grunte-

Wait…

Wh-What is this soft feeling on top of my chest? It's… It's her… M-Melons!

 **At That Moment, What Went Through Hachiman's Head:**

Don't get a boner! Don't get a boner! Don't get a boner! Don't get a boner! Don't get a boner! Don't get a boner! Don't get a boner! Don't get a boner! Don't get a boner! Don't get a boner! Don't get a boner! Don't get a boner! Don't get a boner!

"O-Oi! Get Off Me!" I shouted

"N-No way!" She shouted

"S-Something Bad Is Gonna Happen! Something Seriously Bad Is Gonna Happen, Woman!"

"S-Shut Up And Stay Still!" She said as she tightened her grasp on me.

I could then feel her face getting closer to mine. I could smell the sweet aroma that came from her. Her glistening lips moving closer and closer.

 ***GRAuGH*** I let out another painful scream as I felt her lips pressed against my left ear and her teeth about to tear off my ear any moment now.

I F-Forgot That She's A Hardcore Sadist!

"O-Oi! I-It's Hurts! I-It H-Hurts!"

"NNNGH!" She put more pressure into it and also covering any distance that could have been between us.

I-I HAVE TO STOP HER! B-But! But! H-Her boobs… They Feel G-Goood!

 ***SLIDE*** Suddenly the door was slid open by an unknown figure.

"Hakkun~ I thought you were lonely, so I came b-" Appeared Shiromeguri Meguri Senpai. Who unfortunately came at the worst possible moment.

Her eyes that almost seemed to be bulging out any moment now, stared directly at mine and Miura's current situation. And by current situation, I meant… Me on the floor with Miura on top of me with her lips pressed against my reddened ear.

"H-Hakkun…?" Senpai's cheeks reddened and so did her eyes.

 **List of potential excuses:**

1\. There was a bug inside my ear. She was trying to lick it out.

2\. Yo~ Senpai. Wanna join us?

3\. She was checking if my ear was working or not.

4\. She said I'd level up if l let her bite my ear.

"U-Uh… There was a bug inside my ear and she was trying to lick it out." And I go with number 1.

"I… I-I'm S-Sorry!"

 ***SHUT*** The door was shut closed as Senpai ran away from the scene leaving me and Miura dumbfounded.

Shit.

"You! GET UP!" I shouted at Miura.

"Eh? U-Uh... Okay."

"Go home and never come back!"

"O-Okay... Wait, why should I listen to you!? Don't forget the video!"

"Hoh... You seriously think you're gonna live if you post that anywhere." Please don't call my bluff.

* * *

I couldn't help but run after her, leaving Miura behind, asking her to leave for now. Surprisingly enough, she didn't object. If only she had done that sooner.

"Uh… Senpai?" I said. Standing in front of a couch. And behind the couch, hid a greyish haired Senpai with double braids. S-So obvious…

"N-Not here." She said

"Oye, just because you're denying it, doesn't mean you aren't actually there."

Senpai stood up. Her reddened eyes staring at mine. Her hands clenching the hem of her shirt. Biting her lips, she stepped towards me…

H-Hooah… That's one K-Kawaii face…

"Ha-Hakkun… Who was that?" She asked

"H-Huh…? Uh… Y-Yeah… She's a… Friend…?"

"Hakkun has friends!?"

"Oye, why do you look so shocked!?"

"But, I thought I was your only one…?" Oye!? What's With The Cute Face!?

"You are though! You seriously are!"

"B-But… But…"

"Senpai… were you crying?" I deadpanned

"Eh!? N-No! Of course not! I'm an a-adult! Adults don't cry!" She said while rubbing her eyes.

"Hooh… But you totally were though."

"H-Hakku-AnGH!" The carpet slipped.

Before I could even register anything, I could see her body flying towards me. Crushing me, any moment from now- **GAAGH!**

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? How Did You Even Manage To Trip, Woman!? This Is The Deed Of The RomCom Gods, I Tell You! Curse You! RomCom God- **GAgah!**

"H-Hauu~!" Senpai lifted her head up and rubbed her nose.

"NNgNGH!" I let out whatever that I could. I could feel something soft being pressed against my face.

"H-Hakkun…?" I have a feeling something bad is going to happen.

 ***Squish***

"Nnngh~!" This time, Senpai let out a moan.

 ***Squish***

"Nnngh~! H-Hakkun… don't."

"KYAAAAH!"I let out a girlish scream as I used my hands to lift her off of my face and letting my face feel freedom.

I then felt a finger being pressed against my cheek. A pouting Senpai, now looking down at me.

"You shouldn't do that, Hakkun~! We should at least wait until marriage!" She said, her fists curved into a ball of determination.

"Where is this coming from and how did you even get in here!?"

"O-Oh… Ah… Haru–Senapai let me in." She answered

"Oh… Wait WHAT!?"

 ***SLIDE***

"Hachi-kuuun~! I came back for yo-" Haruno appeared with a wide smile which vanished as soon as her eyes landed on me and Senpai. Or on the situation that would normally be misinterpreted wayyy too wrongly.

Are You ***BEEP*** Kidding Me!?

.

.

An awkward silence passed as we all looked at each other for a second.

.

.

"Uh… I can expla-" and before I could even finish…

"Please, excuse my rudeness. I will be taking my leave now." Haruno bowed and…

 ***SHUT*** Shut the door close.

Sh-She's Mad… S-She's definitely mad!

"A-Ah… H-Hakkun… I think you should go after her." I t-think running would be a better option now…

* * *

I stepped towards the angered woman, as slowly as I could. Her eyes staring off into space as her hands were on the railings. Noticing from behind, she doesn't look that mad…

"H-Haha… The weather sure seems nice today ." I faked a laugh.

"Indeed, nice enough to grope someone."

 _Stab_

"A childhood friend no less."

 _Stab_

"One with greyish braids to be exact."

 _Stab_

"Ugh!" I fell to the floor while clenching my chest, due to her cold words piercing right through it.

C-Cold woman! Cold! What are you!? Yukinoshita's sister!?

"Haruno… I can explain."

"Explain With Your Actions! Not Via Your Petty Words!"

"H-HUH!? What do you want me to do?"

" ***BEEP*** my ***BEEP*** while ***BEEP*** me in a ***BEEP*** position!"

"LIKE HELL I'D DO THAT!"

"Then Get Lost!"

"F-Fine Then!"

"Okay Then-EHH!? H-HACHi-Kun! You're actually leaving!?"

Chance!

"You don't even believe me, why should I stay?" I said as I tried to go away. Acting as angry as I possibly could.

"B-But I believe you! I believe You! I just Thought It would be a good chance to get something from yo-Wait… You Sly Little ***BEEP***!" She gave me a dead look as she figured me out.

"Hehe… I learned it from the best afte-UNmnM!" I tried to say but was shut off by her lips.

I felt her hands suddenly make their way towards my chest and pushed me down to the floor. She was on top of me and I was under her. Her hands made their way again towards my collar, gripping it and bringing my face even closer.

I could feel her tongue brushing against my lips. I don't know why but a sudden urge took me over. I parted my lips, only to grant her entrance. The tip of her tongue touched mine, sending tingles down my spine.

She pulled back a few seconds later, a thin line of saliva still visible between us. Her face seemed as if it was colored red. All the while I just stared at her with a blank look.

"I-I don't know what Meguri is to you, Hachi-kun. B-But I'm glad I was at least able to take your f-first k-kiss." She said, followed by a sly smile.

"H-Huh… Oh… Y-Yeaahh… T-That wasn't really my first one." I said, still staring at her blankly.

.

.

.

At that moment… I realized that I had just fucked up.

.

.

.

"H **ac** hi- **kun…** " A very sinister voice came.

"H-Hai…!?"

"GIVE ME YOUR VIRGINITY!"

"NO FUCKING WAY!"

 ***SLIDE*** The door again slid open, revealing a man with short blonde hair. His eyes fixated on me and Haruno. Especially on the position we were in.

"H-Hacchan… H-Haruno…?" He mumbled.

"…"

"…"

Me and Haruno both exchanged glances at each other.

"Let's just ignore him, Hachi-kun."

"Yeah… let's do that."

"HUH!? WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS LEFT OUT!?" Hayama shouted.

"Where were we again?" Haruno asked

"Uh… Virginities?"

"YES! HACHI-KUN! GIVE ME YOUR ***BEEP*** "

"LIKE HELL I WILL!"

* * *

 **Phew... I'm gonna pull the brakes right here guys. Seriously... I had fun writing this, but this is as further as it goes. Things are getting very repetative and with just a little time, would surely get extremely boring. This never had a plot and is mostly filled with drabbles. So, even if it had fifteen chapters, it still wouldn't have gotten a proper ending.**

 **Thanks a lot for sticking to this story, guys! It was a good ride for me. And dont forget to leave a review~**

 **Remember, A minute of your time can make hours of mine seem worth it. DAMN IT! I CAME UP WITH THAT LINE. First time in my life, I feel so creative!**

 **That's all for now... Maybe I'll come back in a few years, to add a few more chapters to it ;) Until then...**

 **Sayonara~**


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